1 year old.  Do all moms cry or at least get a little wistful when their child’s birthday approaches?  I have for all 3 of Jake’s birthdays.  And now Baby Todd will be 1 year old this weekend.  Birthdays are bittersweet for me now, ever since my mom died unexpectedly in April 2015. Birthdays are a celebration of life, yes.  But also another year she wasn’t here to see.  And the first year of a child’s life is such a crazy one!  From a squishy little infant to a full blown PERSON (albeit a tiny one) full of personality.

I took my mom’s death pretty hard (and some days it’s still very hard).  I was 15 weeks pregnant with Todd.  Mom knew I was pregnant and couldn’t have been happier.  The last thing she ever said to me was the day she died… “I love that bump!” … talking a/b my baby bump.  We didn’t know Todd was a boy then.  She just knew she had another grandchild coming.

So I was worried I’d go through the same baby blues after having Todd like I did with Jake.  She was such a source a comfort during that time.  Mike was a big help, too, but no one knows what it’s like more than your mom!

Well one year ago (on our 5th wedding anniversary night!) I went into labor and Todd was born early the next morning. I was handed a full blown angel. He could not have been an easier baby and I didn’t have any baby blues!  Was it because God knew I was dealing with enough?  Was it because Mom was watching out for me?  Or was it because that’s just who Todd is???  I know one thing is for certain – I DON’T CARE!  I was just so relieved to have an infant who slept well and nursed well!

My favorite times with Todd were his nighttime nursing sessions.  It would be dark and quiet and I could feel Mom.  Sometimes I swear I could feel her hand on my shoulder or petting my head.

But watching Todd grow this past year has been nothing short of amazing.  And watching Jake with Todd is a whole new level of love!  How could you love your own children more???  It’s possible!  Todd LOVES Jake.  Thinks he’s the funniest, silliest, sweetest person he’s ever met.  I can see it in his eyes when he looks at Jake.

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So to my bright light in my darkest times..Happy Birthday, Todd Michael!  Mommy couldn’t love you more.


And Mom, I hope you can see it all and I hope I’m making you proud.  I’ll love you forever.

me-and-mom(This is me and Mom at my baby shower for Jake.  4 years ago.)

Producer Emilie talked about their busy weekend (anniversary, birthday party, and church picnic) in our AFTER THE SHOW segment of our podcast! Subscribe now and never miss an AFTER THE SHOW moment.  The podcast is the only place you’ll hear it!

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